I Miss...I Love

I miss…having everyone home.

I don’t miss…picking up after everyone.

I miss…my dad. I think of him several times every single day.

I miss…being a kid and reading during the day without feeling guilty.

I miss…Katie singing around the house.

I miss…my motivation to lose weight. Not sure where it has gone.

I miss…family dinners.

I don’t miss…cooking them.

I miss…going to church together.

I miss…Cynthia and Katherine–and Becca when she’s not here…and Emily when she spends the night elsewhere. (Pathetic, I know.)

I miss…Myrtle Beach and Hocking Hills. Had some serious fun on those vacations.

Done. I warn you all–if you write one of these “I miss” pieces–it may make you sad-ish.



I love…when we are all together.

I am so satisfied…when the house is clean.

I am so grateful for…my heritage and my godly earthly father.

I am excited…every night to get in bed and read until I get sleepy.

I treasure…knowing that Katherine leads people to the throne of God with her voice.

I take great pleasure in… carrot cake from J. Alexander’s and Homemade brand Coconut Almond Chip ice cream.

I luxuriate…when we can all eat out together and laugh and hang out while we wait.

I love…music that the Holy Spirit uses to move me. (i.e. “How He Loves Us”, Jays of Clay’s “Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet”, “Revelation Song” by Kari Jobe and Watermark’s “Captivate Us” to name a few)

I love…that we will see Katherine, Cynthia, Josh and John-Paul in a couple of weeks!!

There will be many more family vacations–I will begin to plan them.

There. I feel much better.

Love. You. All.

I miss...

This blog
my sisters
my madre
Papa
being a kid
myrtle beach
being able to eat what ever i wanted as a kid and not gain weight
getting dirty (as a kid) and not feeling weird about it
my small group
having super close girlfriends
writing songs
going out dancing
lovey
weirdly, the cafeteria at Anderson
classes
being in shows
Mexico
my wedding dress
singing a high "C"
reading in the backyard watching squirrels with mom
Driving the Honda Hatchback
playing and being good at lacrosse
playing volleyball
summer camp
VBS
My grandparents
high school football games
Easton
living in c-bus
Nate and Jo
Ayla
Youth Group
The McConnels
Winter Retreat
dating Josh
being ignorant of the evils of frappicinos
sleep overs
Natalie
Liz
Heather
swining on swings
sliding down slides
snow
playing in the rain
watching my mom cook/bake
inside jokes
janders
wading in the creek
making dandelion crowns
when foot races were still fun
being slippy-toed
anticipation of the Lord of the Rings movies
the Dollar theatre
dressing up for halloween
Sims
the grand canyon
the west, in general
caroling
cutting down the christmas tree
jumping on trampolines
instant messenger - AIM
before facebook
before 9/11/01
2-a-days
preparing for a Lax/VB game
sharing a room with my sister
being able to sleep next to my mom when i had a nightmare
piano lessons
the Birthday Song - "hey Katie, it's your birthday..."
picking wild flowers for mom on the side of the road
potato soup
camping
the attainability of childhood dreams

among other things...

Growing up.

Now that I live close to a sister I find myself reminiscing of younger days all of the time. Of vacations, events, food that holds memories, inside jokes, things mom or dad always did. I feel like I am at some kind of turning point in my life where I am some how crossing into real life as an adult and I am not sure I like it...

All at once I am graduated, no longer a student with little responsiblity other than passing the next test... now I am a doctor. Just the sound of it is heavy and laden with responsibility- mainly that of other people's lives. No more carefree living knowing that it is not all that important if you show or don't show because no one is counting on you to carry your weight whether you show up or not is really just more for your own benefit.

On top of that, as if that wasn't enough responsibility I am also getting married. Which seems to come along with all of its own new adult responsibilities.

All of the change is good, but sometimes its just hard to grow up and realize its just a new stage in life that is different but exciting and there's lots to look forward to.

POETRY

TRAVELING

I travel alone.

I keep trying to travel alone.

To be the one who sits in the corner to take it all in as a mysterious loner the one who no one

knows much about but finds slightly interesting because she's alone and she doesn't care.

I'm not her. But I still travel alone.

WHAT I CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE OUT

And I can't not but cry.

even now.

I'm everything

but

stable.

How could I stabilize?

I like poetry. Maybe these count as poems, maybe they don't. But this one, Seer by Maxamed Zaashi Dhamac "Garriiye", certainly counts. Somali poetry:

‘If a poem is a farm

then how things truly are, that’s water;
the best words for the best thoughts,
that’s how it begins.
Justice is your only compost,
life itself is what you hoe:
just squeeze truth from what happens
and in its own time it will sprout...

‘It’s not sold for coppers,
it’s not for praising the powerful;
to put a price on it, any price,
cheapens it and is forbidden

‘It’s riding bareback on an unbroken horse –
you don’t hobble its heels.
Those who fear for their hides
and won’t ride without a saddle,
those lacking in the craft, can’t get near this:
lies have nothing to do with it.
Poetry is a woman you do not betray,

to abuse her beauty is a sin..."

News from the Home Front

I might be an addict. I at least act like one.

I just spent the last 40 minutes on facebook looking at pictures and videos of family.

I text back and forth with my dad (who does that?) and I call my mom on the way to class and work (hey, a 10 minute walk, that's plenty of time for news from the home front!

Not a day has gone by for several weeks that I haven't mentioned to someone (more than not, my two roommates) that I'll be home in just [x-number] of days.

I love to hear that Dad did okay on his STATs test and the Mom spent hours at the print shop. I like that I'm talking with my friends about our July vacation in October and that I often say, "Me and my sisters listened to this on our road trip to Nashville" with enthusiasm. I'm glad that Kat and Josh have started a new Bible study, that Kara's gotten so many residency interviews, and that Emily has goofy friends filling her room with phonebook pages. Any photos of Dolly just light up my face.

You see, I'll be home in just a few days and the suspense is teasing me. I measure my tasks against, "Oh, I'll be home soon, so don't worry about it," or, "If I can just make it til Thursday..." Like an addict, these sort of rationalizations in the face of my addiction don't make much sense. But as of now, I can't help it. I love these people.

Soon enough I'll get my bi-monthly fix, I guess, and I may return to normal. We'll see.

It has been far too long since any of us has posted here. It is 2 a.m. and I just finished reading ALL the posts from the beginning. I was missing the gathered group. My heart is full of love for you all. My favorite "thing" of all time is family. Nothing beats the comfort and familiarity of being with people you don't have to impress, you love and you can laugh with.

Bustling together to prepare for a Thanksgiving meal, lining up in red with wings and chili to watch the Buckeyes or bunching up on couches to read the Christmas story and then open gifts are all quintessential pictures of the "fullness of life" in the here and now. I know that someday every tear will be dried and all sickness healed - but in the meantime - it doesn't get any better than family en masse.

Inherited?

I am not sure if this is true or if the bible says anything at all remotely close to the statement I am about to make, but I feel like one of my spiritual gifts I inherited from my mother. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I was given these gifts from Holy Spirit, but sometimes I wonder if Holy Spirit gives families similar gifts. I may be totally off base, but I feel like I received the gift and the heart of intercessor because of my mom.

Growing up I feel like there were hundreds of times I would come home from school, or wake up on a lazy Saturday morning/afternoon to find my mom sitting in her “devotional” spot. (Far left side of the couch, under a lamp, next to a side table, bible open, glasses on, coffee steaming). My mom not only LOVES the word of God, but she LOVES praying for her family. I know she carries a photo of all of us in her Bible and moves along the picture praying over each of our lives. I fully believe it is partly due to my mom’s dedication, consistency, and “ferocious” prayers that I made it to where I am today. Heck, it’s due to those prayers that I made it out of my teenage years alive…seriously.

I believe that the prayers of the saints move things that wouldn’t have moved had they not prayed. Marriages stay together, depression is broken, bodies are healed, minds are renewed, and hearts are restored. My mom did that/does that for all of us. She is gluing everything together with her prayers. She is sealing the metaphorical seal in the heavenly realms of our destinies and moving mountains through her warrior intercession.

Now that I am on the other side of my parents raising me and I am carving out my own path and walk with the Lord, I feel the spirit of an intercessor growing inside of me. Ministry time at church/small group has become one of my favorite parts of the week and some of my most intimate moments with the Lord are when I am in prayer for others. Be it someone standing right in front of me, our country, our president, my family, etc. the Lord continues to give me the words to pray and draw me deeper into his chamber and his arms. And even if she didn’t exactly give me the gift her self, she gave me the gift of her example and I am thankful.