Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Living a Better Story
I am a 52-year-old woman who has spent the majority of my life making a home for my husband and four daughters. The courage and passion I held to through the years staying home to raise my own children looks awkward and provincial to people now. I stand up tall and declare it was not a mistake. God has honored the choice and we have suffered very little materially for it. I would do it all again. I am ferocious about this.
As my daughters have grown up I have gotten absorbed in their history, as if life happened to me without my awareness. Why, even this blog is a shared one between my daughters and I. But beneath the surface, I have been undergoing and embracing the shift in my focus away from them. My youngest daughter is now a senior in high school and I have been mulling over in my mind what kind of life I will live now that time opens up its arms to me. Since reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years I have thought about this future in terms of “my story.”
As a child, being an artist was a big part of my identity. One of my earliest memories is drawing in church. (I still doodle through sermons—it helps me focus.) My favorite gifts to receive were always the exceptional colored pencils with rich color saturation and the deluxe paint sets. As an adult, the words naturally fall from my lips, “I’m a follower of Jesus, a wife, mother and an artist.” Over the years I developed a career that contributes to the family income and allows me to be home while I design and create—I am a graphic designer.
Although I have never entirely abandon my art (http://www.facebook.com/patty.ewing?v=photos#!/album.php?aid=17833&id=502401007) or writing, I believe my “story” in the future will be chock full of artful writing and painting.
But, here is the rub: I see myself as a nonentity—shadowy—nearly invisible.
I have gotten quite shabby in appearance. Not that I was ever a looker, but I used to have a certain sharpness to my person that I have allowed to mellow and settle. I was putting on my makeup yesterday and thought, “Why bother?” I don’t think anyone really looks at me anymore. All this without even the dignity of any real old age to accompany and account for it.
What I want more than anything and resolve to do: lose weight and repair my esteem and health WHILE I nurture my creative bent.
I know I can write (maybe not publish—but I CAN write). I will need to commit a space of time each day to write. I’ll get a laptop at some point in order to move about freely and compose in more interesting places. I can read books about writing and books about writers! (I love reading. This can now be a valid reason to read during the day: Research!) I can sign up for creative writing classes and workshops.
I know I can make art that I love and others will enjoy. I can take classes that will force me to produce and give me the physical arena in which to make a mess. I will need to turn one of the rooms into a studio fit for paint to fling about. I’ll stretch canvases and buy quantities of paint. I’ll get a small paint pad to carry about and a small quality set of paints to bring along and paint at whim.
But my undertakings will inevitably be sabotaged by my weight. So. My better story looks like this: I begin to live a healthy lifestyle while I pursue stimulating and aesthetic endeavors. I will write. I will paint. I will live an artful, satisfying season of years quickened and energized by increased health, loss of burdensome weight and a new sense of self.
Of course the obstacles ahead are the same faced by millions of overweight Americans. The road ahead is well documented. I have done this before—twice I lost over 100 pounds—only to regain it. I set my face to it. I’ll fix a big pot of vegetable soup, fill a glass of water and hop on my stationary bike. Later I will write about it.
I am hoping the Living a Better Story seminar (www.donmilleris.com/conference) will be a launching place—a catalyst to the momentum to begin my story with clarity. In the way writing this piece has been motivating and empowering; I expect the seminar to be exponentially more so.
As my daughters have grown up I have gotten absorbed in their history, as if life happened to me without my awareness. Why, even this blog is a shared one between my daughters and I. But beneath the surface, I have been undergoing and embracing the shift in my focus away from them. My youngest daughter is now a senior in high school and I have been mulling over in my mind what kind of life I will live now that time opens up its arms to me. Since reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years I have thought about this future in terms of “my story.”
As a child, being an artist was a big part of my identity. One of my earliest memories is drawing in church. (I still doodle through sermons—it helps me focus.) My favorite gifts to receive were always the exceptional colored pencils with rich color saturation and the deluxe paint sets. As an adult, the words naturally fall from my lips, “I’m a follower of Jesus, a wife, mother and an artist.” Over the years I developed a career that contributes to the family income and allows me to be home while I design and create—I am a graphic designer.
Although I have never entirely abandon my art (http://www.facebook.com/patty.ewing?v=photos#!/album.php?aid=17833&id=502401007) or writing, I believe my “story” in the future will be chock full of artful writing and painting.
But, here is the rub: I see myself as a nonentity—shadowy—nearly invisible.
I have gotten quite shabby in appearance. Not that I was ever a looker, but I used to have a certain sharpness to my person that I have allowed to mellow and settle. I was putting on my makeup yesterday and thought, “Why bother?” I don’t think anyone really looks at me anymore. All this without even the dignity of any real old age to accompany and account for it.
What I want more than anything and resolve to do: lose weight and repair my esteem and health WHILE I nurture my creative bent.
I know I can write (maybe not publish—but I CAN write). I will need to commit a space of time each day to write. I’ll get a laptop at some point in order to move about freely and compose in more interesting places. I can read books about writing and books about writers! (I love reading. This can now be a valid reason to read during the day: Research!) I can sign up for creative writing classes and workshops.
I know I can make art that I love and others will enjoy. I can take classes that will force me to produce and give me the physical arena in which to make a mess. I will need to turn one of the rooms into a studio fit for paint to fling about. I’ll stretch canvases and buy quantities of paint. I’ll get a small paint pad to carry about and a small quality set of paints to bring along and paint at whim.
But my undertakings will inevitably be sabotaged by my weight. So. My better story looks like this: I begin to live a healthy lifestyle while I pursue stimulating and aesthetic endeavors. I will write. I will paint. I will live an artful, satisfying season of years quickened and energized by increased health, loss of burdensome weight and a new sense of self.
Of course the obstacles ahead are the same faced by millions of overweight Americans. The road ahead is well documented. I have done this before—twice I lost over 100 pounds—only to regain it. I set my face to it. I’ll fix a big pot of vegetable soup, fill a glass of water and hop on my stationary bike. Later I will write about it.
I am hoping the Living a Better Story seminar (www.donmilleris.com/conference) will be a launching place—a catalyst to the momentum to begin my story with clarity. In the way writing this piece has been motivating and empowering; I expect the seminar to be exponentially more so.
This is how it went:
We were all just hangin out in the kitchen eating something (probably delicious cereal) and Emily jokingly wrote her silly little twirly signature on my shin. For some odd reason my leg was conveniently propped up on the counter top. And there it was, in blue ink, Emily's name looking like a tat.
I wore cropped pants to work and then a skirt later that day. People saw it, I'm sure. I didn't mind. After work Emily asked me to go to our friend who is a hair dresser to get her hair cut... just like me.
We had some sister moments in the car and it was just as we were pulling off 315 at the Ackerman exit that we started talking about her signature on my leg again. "You know, I don't know if I would actually mind it so much. It's kinda cool," I half-joked. And then I thought, I actually wouldn't mind having this as a tattoo. I love my sister. And then it dawned on us:"OOOOO! We could all get a tattoo of the sister's signatures!"
So... we're not quite joking when we say we want your signatures (even if they're illegible or look like a fourth grader's).
We were all just hangin out in the kitchen eating something (probably delicious cereal) and Emily jokingly wrote her silly little twirly signature on my shin. For some odd reason my leg was conveniently propped up on the counter top. And there it was, in blue ink, Emily's name looking like a tat.
I wore cropped pants to work and then a skirt later that day. People saw it, I'm sure. I didn't mind. After work Emily asked me to go to our friend who is a hair dresser to get her hair cut... just like me.
We had some sister moments in the car and it was just as we were pulling off 315 at the Ackerman exit that we started talking about her signature on my leg again. "You know, I don't know if I would actually mind it so much. It's kinda cool," I half-joked. And then I thought, I actually wouldn't mind having this as a tattoo. I love my sister. And then it dawned on us:"OOOOO! We could all get a tattoo of the sister's signatures!"
So... we're not quite joking when we say we want your signatures (even if they're illegible or look like a fourth grader's).
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sisters by Emily Ewing
Sisters
by Emily Ewing
Sisters four,
Same laugh, smile, voice
Common memories and blood,
Shared bedrooms and pets,
One God, one faith.
Forever united.
Individuals to say the least,
One determined,
One talented,
One compassionate,
One goofy.
Forever rare.
Each other’s strong crutches,
Hold hands,
Catch tears,
Long calls,
Never question.
Forever loyal.
Undeniably unique,
A doctor,
A singer,
A saint,
A possibility.
Forever independent.
Favorite pastimes together,
Old movies,
Long car rides,
Big dinners,
Sleepovers.
Forever best friends.
Sisters four,
Forever united,
Forever rare,
Forever loyal,
Forever independent,
Forever best friends,
Forever Ewing sisters.
by Emily Ewing
Sisters four,
Same laugh, smile, voice
Common memories and blood,
Shared bedrooms and pets,
One God, one faith.
Forever united.
Individuals to say the least,
One determined,
One talented,
One compassionate,
One goofy.
Forever rare.
Each other’s strong crutches,
Hold hands,
Catch tears,
Long calls,
Never question.
Forever loyal.
Undeniably unique,
A doctor,
A singer,
A saint,
A possibility.
Forever independent.
Favorite pastimes together,
Old movies,
Long car rides,
Big dinners,
Sleepovers.
Forever best friends.
Sisters four,
Forever united,
Forever rare,
Forever loyal,
Forever independent,
Forever best friends,
Forever Ewing sisters.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I Miss...I Love
I miss…having everyone home.
I don’t miss…picking up after everyone.
I miss…my dad. I think of him several times every single day.
I miss…being a kid and reading during the day without feeling guilty.
I miss…Katie singing around the house.
I miss…my motivation to lose weight. Not sure where it has gone.
I miss…family dinners.
I don’t miss…cooking them.
I miss…going to church together.
I miss…Cynthia and Katherine–and Becca when she’s not here…and Emily when she spends the night elsewhere. (Pathetic, I know.)
I miss…Myrtle Beach and Hocking Hills. Had some serious fun on those vacations.
Done. I warn you all–if you write one of these “I miss” pieces–it may make you sad-ish.
I love…when we are all together.
I am so satisfied…when the house is clean.
I am so grateful for…my heritage and my godly earthly father.
I am excited…every night to get in bed and read until I get sleepy.
I treasure…knowing that Katherine leads people to the throne of God with her voice.
I take great pleasure in… carrot cake from J. Alexander’s and Homemade brand Coconut Almond Chip ice cream.
I luxuriate…when we can all eat out together and laugh and hang out while we wait.
I love…music that the Holy Spirit uses to move me. (i.e. “How He Loves Us”, Jays of Clay’s “Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet”, “Revelation Song” by Kari Jobe and Watermark’s “Captivate Us” to name a few)
I love…that we will see Katherine, Cynthia, Josh and John-Paul in a couple of weeks!!
There will be many more family vacations–I will begin to plan them.
There. I feel much better.
Love. You. All.
I don’t miss…picking up after everyone.
I miss…my dad. I think of him several times every single day.
I miss…being a kid and reading during the day without feeling guilty.
I miss…Katie singing around the house.
I miss…my motivation to lose weight. Not sure where it has gone.
I miss…family dinners.
I don’t miss…cooking them.
I miss…going to church together.
I miss…Cynthia and Katherine–and Becca when she’s not here…and Emily when she spends the night elsewhere. (Pathetic, I know.)
I miss…Myrtle Beach and Hocking Hills. Had some serious fun on those vacations.
Done. I warn you all–if you write one of these “I miss” pieces–it may make you sad-ish.
I love…when we are all together.
I am so satisfied…when the house is clean.
I am so grateful for…my heritage and my godly earthly father.
I am excited…every night to get in bed and read until I get sleepy.
I treasure…knowing that Katherine leads people to the throne of God with her voice.
I take great pleasure in… carrot cake from J. Alexander’s and Homemade brand Coconut Almond Chip ice cream.
I luxuriate…when we can all eat out together and laugh and hang out while we wait.
I love…music that the Holy Spirit uses to move me. (i.e. “How He Loves Us”, Jays of Clay’s “Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet”, “Revelation Song” by Kari Jobe and Watermark’s “Captivate Us” to name a few)
I love…that we will see Katherine, Cynthia, Josh and John-Paul in a couple of weeks!!
There will be many more family vacations–I will begin to plan them.
There. I feel much better.
Love. You. All.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I miss...
This blog
my sisters
my madre
Papa
being a kid
myrtle beach
being able to eat what ever i wanted as a kid and not gain weight
getting dirty (as a kid) and not feeling weird about it
my small group
having super close girlfriends
writing songs
going out dancing
lovey
weirdly, the cafeteria at Anderson
classes
being in shows
Mexico
my wedding dress
singing a high "C"
reading in the backyard watching squirrels with mom
Driving the Honda Hatchback
playing and being good at lacrosse
playing volleyball
summer camp
VBS
My grandparents
high school football games
Easton
living in c-bus
Nate and Jo
Ayla
Youth Group
The McConnels
Winter Retreat
dating Josh
being ignorant of the evils of frappicinos
sleep overs
Natalie
Liz
Heather
swining on swings
sliding down slides
snow
playing in the rain
watching my mom cook/bake
inside jokes
janders
wading in the creek
making dandelion crowns
when foot races were still fun
being slippy-toed
anticipation of the Lord of the Rings movies
the Dollar theatre
dressing up for halloween
Sims
the grand canyon
the west, in general
caroling
cutting down the christmas tree
jumping on trampolines
instant messenger - AIM
before facebook
before 9/11/01
2-a-days
preparing for a Lax/VB game
sharing a room with my sister
being able to sleep next to my mom when i had a nightmare
piano lessons
the Birthday Song - "hey Katie, it's your birthday..."
picking wild flowers for mom on the side of the road
potato soup
camping
the attainability of childhood dreams
among other things...
my sisters
my madre
Papa
being a kid
myrtle beach
being able to eat what ever i wanted as a kid and not gain weight
getting dirty (as a kid) and not feeling weird about it
my small group
having super close girlfriends
writing songs
going out dancing
lovey
weirdly, the cafeteria at Anderson
classes
being in shows
Mexico
my wedding dress
singing a high "C"
reading in the backyard watching squirrels with mom
Driving the Honda Hatchback
playing and being good at lacrosse
playing volleyball
summer camp
VBS
My grandparents
high school football games
Easton
living in c-bus
Nate and Jo
Ayla
Youth Group
The McConnels
Winter Retreat
dating Josh
being ignorant of the evils of frappicinos
sleep overs
Natalie
Liz
Heather
swining on swings
sliding down slides
snow
playing in the rain
watching my mom cook/bake
inside jokes
janders
wading in the creek
making dandelion crowns
when foot races were still fun
being slippy-toed
anticipation of the Lord of the Rings movies
the Dollar theatre
dressing up for halloween
Sims
the grand canyon
the west, in general
caroling
cutting down the christmas tree
jumping on trampolines
instant messenger - AIM
before facebook
before 9/11/01
2-a-days
preparing for a Lax/VB game
sharing a room with my sister
being able to sleep next to my mom when i had a nightmare
piano lessons
the Birthday Song - "hey Katie, it's your birthday..."
picking wild flowers for mom on the side of the road
potato soup
camping
the attainability of childhood dreams
among other things...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Growing up.
Now that I live close to a sister I find myself reminiscing of younger days all of the time. Of vacations, events, food that holds memories, inside jokes, things mom or dad always did. I feel like I am at some kind of turning point in my life where I am some how crossing into real life as an adult and I am not sure I like it...
All at once I am graduated, no longer a student with little responsiblity other than passing the next test... now I am a doctor. Just the sound of it is heavy and laden with responsibility- mainly that of other people's lives. No more carefree living knowing that it is not all that important if you show or don't show because no one is counting on you to carry your weight whether you show up or not is really just more for your own benefit.
On top of that, as if that wasn't enough responsibility I am also getting married. Which seems to come along with all of its own new adult responsibilities.
All of the change is good, but sometimes its just hard to grow up and realize its just a new stage in life that is different but exciting and there's lots to look forward to.
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